the stages

 Most people who leave the LDS church go through "stages". This is a naturally occurring process that happens when people leave something that was such a big part of their life. It can happen with divorce, a death in the family or when leaving a religion.

The stages that I went through and am still going through are similar to those below (given by another Ex Mormon on this website). http://www.rationalrevelation.com/library/stagescultrecovery.html

Stage 1: Developing a Conceptual Framework
Understanding Trauma - I had to come to terms with the fact that I had actually left my religion of 35 years. I had done it quickly, so "the bandaid was ripped off" really fast. I had chosen to "rip the bandaid off" , but I still have to stop sometimes and remind myself how I got to this point.

Thought Reform-  This involved the de-coding of  "the guilt cycle". The LDS church teaches you to feel guilty when you break the rules of its doctrine. By doing so, you never really feel worthy or good enough. You do something "wrong", then repent, then do better, then fall short and the the cycle starts over again.  It demands close to perfection. This is probably the reason why I'd often see this "down trodden" look on members' faces when I went to church each Sunday. Three hours Sunday meetings, Pre Sunday committee meetings, after church meetings, Sunday Choir practice, weekly meetings, Monthly visits to members' houses, monthly trips to the temple, etc. 
It is physically exhausting being in this religion. Many people can't physically, emotionally or mentally keep up.

Stage Two: Grieving, Reconciliation, and Reaching Out

Regaining Purpose- I had to discover what my new purpose in this life was. This isn't a simple thing to tackle. It is ongoing...
The Need for Reconciliation- This is when I reached out to people who had left the church before me. I reached out to them knowing that I no longer judged them for this action.  Friendships are being rebuilt because of this.

The Request for Information- This is when I went on PostMormon and started to read about other doctrinal reasons why people leave the LDS church.

The Need for Support- I was lucky to have several family members and friends who were also PostMormon and they've been a great support system for me. But, leaving the church is very lonely and so that's why it's been important for me to meet new people and build new friendships. Some people also join ExMormon or PostMormon websites so they can ask questions, express their feelings and gain support from a community of people who know what they are going through.

Seeking True Spirituality- I've had to step back and really be honest with myself about what I truly believe now. This is ongoing, but for now, I still believe in God/Jesus. I also believe in the power of nature and the universe. I've had several amazing experiences outside of religion that have showed me the power of nature and the power we have inside ourselves. 

Rescuing Others- I don't really have a strong desire to try and save others, but when people asked me why I left, I do give them a long and detailed account of what I discovered. The posts on the blog are also for people who want to know why I left. 

Stage Two involved anger and grief. You feel angry that you were manipulated and lied to. You also may get angry at yourself and feel regret that you didn't discover the truth earlier. These are feelings that can continue to go on in a cycle. This is something that I hope to move past..in time. They do cycle back for me and so I've learned to try and replace those feelings with gratitude. Being grateful for this new life and my discovery has helped me to move past the anger.

Stage Three: Reintegration into Society

Positives of the Cult Experience- Many people mention the good things they've taken away from the LDS church. This is the same for me. The emphasis on family relationships is one. Also, taking responsibility for my life and my actions and being kind to others are just some of the things I've taken away.

  
Recovery of the Whole Self-  This is something that is ongoing. But it involves being honest about who I really am as a person. It involves acting on those realizations and not apologizing for the truth of who I am.

The Self Commitment- To me, this has involved being honest about the possibility that my spiritual views could change in the future. It's a commitment to not be manipulated again and to seek out the truth in the things that matter the most to me. 

Recovery of the Practical- This means that even though I am free now to behave as I want, I know there are consequences to my actions. This is just common sense and no religion has claims on this reality. There will always be cause and effect. That's part of life.

Recognition of Sexuality and Intimate Relations- This is also ongoing. For now, I identity as being being Bisexual. This is something I realized about myself shortly after deciding to leave the LDS church. This part of the stage also entails me deciding what kind of moral code I will follow when it comes to my sexuality. I believe that this is a personal choice that everyone should make. I don't judge others for their personal choice, as long as they aren't harming another human being..either physically or psychologically.